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Hal's Column
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Saturday, May 17, 2008, 3:00 AM
Here is your mission, 2008 By Hal Tarleton | Daily Times Opinion Editor Script proposal: "Mission Impossible 2008 -- Saving General Clinton" So here's the way I see it: Our protagonist -- or is she the protagonist-ess? -- has gotten herself in a bad way, know whutta mean? She already had her pantsuit picked out for her Super Tuesday coronation, but the stupid voters didn't follow the script. This Obama guy come along, see, and he won a buncha states she never figured would be in the mix, know whutta mean? How was she to know? You don't think John Edwards would have lasted past Ground Hog Day, do ya? And Bill Richardson? Are you serious? Whoever heard of a Hispanic named Richardson? I mean, voters are fickle, know whutta mean? They done forgot all the things she did for 'em, even if her husband got all the credit. I mean she laid down her life for universal health care, but the big insurance boys, they stabbed her in the back, see. And the news media never did like her, know whutta mean? They wouldn't even let her talk about that sniper fire in Bosnia. Said it didn't happen. Who you gonna believe -- a re-elected United States senator or a buncha guys with videotapes. Everybody knows what people do with videotape, know whutta mean? So here's our task, if we choose to accept it: We gotta find a way to get Senator Clinton the Democratic nomination, to which she is fully entitled. Now how's we gonna do it? I gotta tell ya, the options are wearing thin. I figure we only got about three or four options left. First off, she could point out that Obama ain't getting the right kind of votes, know whutta mean? I mean all he can get is your black votes and your educated votes, right? Well, a good Democrat's gotta get the less colorful votes, too, and the uneducated votes. Hey, in Chicago, we even take dead votes. Is Obama gettin' any of them? She's gotta concentrate on good, working-class Democrats, but she's gotta be careful not to suggest that the folks voting for Obama ain't working, cause some of 'em are. Or so I've been told. Second, she could get her supporters in Florida and Michigan to sue for geographic discrimination. I know, I know, Florida and Michigan broke the rules and held their primaries early, even though the party told 'em that it wouldn't count, and all the candidates agreed not to campaign there. Still, I think we got a case here. When did rules ever mean anything to the Democratic Party, huh? We believe in the rule of law, and there ain't no law that says Florida votes don't count. Well, maybe there is, but it doesn't apply to Michigan, know whutta mean? I think it's a winner myself, know whutta mean? tarleton@wilsontimes.com | 265-7812
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